As they grow...

So my oldest child turns 17 in less than a month. Last year we entered into the world of driving, now she is dating....this has been so hard for me. We are talking about colleges and I see her desire to want to get away and it breaks my heart. I have been a pretty good mom I think so why does she want to go away?

I seem to dwell on her the most, I think about comparisons in our lives (there are not many). I left home by 16, didn't finish school, didn't go to college, heck I didn't get my license till I was 20 and she was born. To me she has the dream childhood, we give her the world and all we except in return is some chores to get done, be respectful to us, do good in school and follow a few simple rules. Now being the teenager she is, sometimes things get missed. But all in all Amanda is and has always been the perfect child. Because we care so much about her and band we have never asked her to get a job to pay for gas, insurance anything we do it all and having a teen driver this is hard.

So why when she goes out on a date with her boyfriend and I text her and don't get immediate response do I think she is doing something bad? I mean really in my mind I know she isn't but I have this thought what if. What if she decides to become the bad kid I once was? What if she decides I don't want to go to college? What if after all this sacrifice to give her the world, she makes the same stupid choices her dad and I did? I want so much more for her, I want her to not have to struggle like we have, I want her to be happy always. I guess this is what all moms want for there kids.

Are all moms hurt that there kid wants to go away to college, how in the world am I going to survive this her being gone? I wonder am I going to feel any relief that she is growing up? Because I sure hope so.

A friend of mine posted on FB yesterday she got a hug from her teen the first time in over a year. I think how sad I can't remember how long ago it was since I got a hug from her, she is too old for that. I regret now all those times as a little kid I brushed her off, stop hanging on me, back away. I was stupid and didn't take advantage of it like I should have. So for now I will enjoy the hugs and kisses Haley is still willing to give me for as long as she is willing.

I honestly don't know how I am going to survive the next year, we have prom still this year to get through, and All State tryouts. We toured a college campus last weekend and I had to stop myself from crying and killing her in embarrassment. I just can't believe we are almost there. So bare with me as I ramble about this I am sure a lot. :)