Busy Weeks?

Wow it is so weird it seems like feast or famine at our house. We either go form being lazy bums doing absolutely nothing to going all the time. I just hate it.

We currently have me working full time, and going to school on Monday and Wednesday nights, along with an online class. Amanda has band practice Tuesdays till 6:30 and Thursday till 6PM and Fridays football games till 11PM. She also is going to church on Wednesday nights. Then add in Sunday AM Sunday school and church, Amanda taking an expressions class at 4:30PM and us all going again at 6PM. Thankfully the church feeds the kids Sunday night so I only have to worry about dinner for dh and I.

Now add to this Haley wants to do Girl Scouts and I just couldn't say no and I also agreed to be a troop helper not leader but a helper. So I think that will be Thursday evenings.

Of course Band is about to wind down. So then it wont seem so bad. Of course then I have to decide what classes to take for next semester. I am really liking my accounting class it has a ton of things I am learning about my current job.

It is funny though daily trying to stop take a breather and think I know I need to do that way more often.

A Mothers Love?

Well lets see, I was down a ton this weekend. My brother got married to a very sweet girl they are expecting a baby in January. I am very happy for them. But being happy for them doesn't seem to ease my pain at all.

You see my brother is 40 a recovering drug addict and alcoholic, last year he was in jail for over 6 months for felony theft. He got out and lived with my mom, works for my mom just moved in with Rhonda. They spend a ton of time with my mom and step dad. It kills me to hear my mom talk about all the things they do with them and yet she never ask me to do anything. She calls once a week and ask about my girls that about it.

It hurts to feel like I am the outcast of my family. I don't understand why me? I married young and my mom hated that, she hated loosing the control in my life. I am still married going on 18 years and yet you would think being married that long, having 2 beautiful, smart girls I would be the favored one. But I am the black sheep. Is it my weight? I honestly think she can't stand to look at me and see the weight without feeling disgusted.

I have been trying for a long time now to forgive my mom for the evil things she has done to me and my family. Vicious things just because she could. It amazes me how her desire to hate and hurt my husband she couldn't see that by hurting him financially she was hurting me and her grand daughters as well. And even when I get past those things, I still can not seem to forgive her for the way she has treated me most of my life once I told her about my fathers abusing me. What mother doesn't want to help their child? What mother doesn't want to comfort their child? Why couldn't she just tell me she is sorry for what happened to me, instead she made me feel like something was wrong with me for needing to talk about it.

Sometimes I think I am such a bad mother, I don't play enough games with my kids, I tell them to be quiet too much. But then I think about my mom and what I was given as a child and I know my girls without a doubt both know I love them more than anything. They know if anything bad ever happened to them I would 1) kill the bastard that hurt them, :) 2) be there to help them get through it. 3) Love them no matter what.

Growing up I remember every time we had to do creative writing and the topic was who do you admire the most. I always wrote about my mom, she worked so hard to raise us 2 kids alone. Sometimes 2 and 3 jobs, she never got help from the state. We didn't get to do ballet and sports because there wasn't money or time for that, but I never felt like I missed out because my mom was doing the best she could. So most of my life I took that hard work to be her way of showing us love, because she to this day has never told me she loves me. She tells my children and says it in emails or letters but can not bring herself to say it out loud to me.

So I guess I really kind of feel sorry for my mom, she is missing out on the love I could have given her, if she thinks giving it all to her daughter in law is what she needs to do then so be it, She losses out on me. Of course saying that doesn't make my pain go away. Doesn't make my tears not be real, doesn't make me understand 1 bit more why she is like she it, but I guess I can not control her so I have to let it go.

Weird, morbid ir just us?

So I know my family is different aren't they all? We have 4 people and 3 animals living inside a almost 1600 square foot home. We are nuts but sometimes it is so fun!

The animals are the best. Tilley and Mojo fight all the time play tug a war, and literally chase each other from room to room. The girls seem to always be nagging or fighting about something. Dh and I try to talk among the chaos and wonder why we get frustrated, LOL

So I guess we aren't weird we are just a very loud family.

Now to the morbid. Dh and Amanda think it is bad that everyday when I walk past the cat (Whiskers) I nudge her with my foot and say "Aren't you dead yet?" Now I don't want her to be, but lets face it she is somewhere between 18-20 years old and 25 pounds. She isn't healthy. Every morning when I nudge her she rubs her face on my foot and meows so I think she is ok with me. :)

Then Samson everyday he greets me at the car now, sniffs my tire and I ask him "Did you eat any kittens today?" He drops his head and heads to the backyard. In shame he knows killing that kitten last week was wrong, but it is just fun to see him walk away, you know if he could talk he would sound like a sulky teenager, "How long is she gonna keep this up?" :)

I don't know I guess I am weird but that's just me!

Rough Week!

Well lets see I finally on Friday have a few minutes to myself. Boy has it been rough.

Lets see last Thursday I busted Amanda for deleting emails, our rule is she doesn't delete, I don't discuss anything I might read with her, unless I thought it was going to hurt someone. So she got in trouble for that. Then Friday night at the football game she sticks her 500 flute under the bleachers and goes to march with the school's piccolo and the heavens open up with a horrible storm, she sits in the tunnel as her flute get soaked. Luckily for her it didn't ruin it.

Saturday AM we get up and decide to go hiking, go out to the car and Samson is sniffing my tire, then as we start to back out of the driveway he follows my tire. So we assume must be a mouse and Mark stops pops the hood. Well as he lifts the hood a frightened kitten jumps out takes off running, Samson starts chasing it and catches it and of course kills it in like 2 seconds. All in front of the girls. Poor Haley was a mess for over and hour. I guess it was just the chase and 150 pound dog versus 3 pound kitten, well you get the picture.

Then start the week, but Tuesday Amanda is home sick, now Haley is sick and they are suppose to be leaving in the morning to go to the beach with my mom. I am guessing Mark and I's kid free weekend is about to be gone.

Work is insane which is weird, it was beyond slow. Add to it my classes, took my first accounting test on Wednesdays and got a 88 it's a B so I can live with it. I have a ton of computer class stuff to do today hoping I can get it all done.

So that's it been crazy. Have a great long weekend everyone.